to suffer

I rarely have an idea fully fleshed out before I begin painting. Generally I’ll have a symbol bouncing around my head that I’ll feel compelled to play with. Sometimes it’s a combination of symbols. At times I’ll get obsessed with a particular image over and over and it’s like I need to devour it’s bones, to keep chewing on it for a period of time. Whether it’s a Christ, Kali, snake, etc. lately it has been a white eagle.

So I had a loose idea about a white eagle on a vertically long panel with an egg at the bottom. While painting the eagle and egg it got me thinking about the phoenix motif, which then got me thinking about the importance of suffering before a rebirth. Which then made me remember watching my wife give birth to our daughter, the most intense thing I’ve ever experienced. This, in turn got me thinking about the pattern in reality of the pain and suffering that precedes transformation, joy and beauty. It’s like a law of nature.

Remembering that night 2 years ago when our daughter was born always humbles me, especially if I am wallowing in self pity. It reminds me to remember how strong my wife was and the pain she endured to bring the greatest gift of my life. It also reminds me that when things seems really difficult it’s not permanent and there is beauty coming soon.